So yesterday he asked me over the phone: “you really believe I’m gonna marry you huh?”

 

I was silent for a couple of seconds. I even forgot what I answered immediately, but I eventually told him that I feel as though I’m playing the final game of the World Cup and that I know that if I want to win I have to give it all and risk it all. Was that too bold of me to say? He said he understood but that it could lead to major heartbreak. I told him “what’s a heartbreak?” haha. We both know what that is. We’ve both experienced it in the past. He answered: “Months and months of depression”.

 

About two weeks ago he told me was planning to talk with my father again. They spoke some months ago and although I don’t know what was spoken, I did later find out nothing concrete was agreed upon because nothing major happened. But this time he kind of implied it would be a more serious talk and with more solid points and possibly plans for the near future. He also said that some of the things he was going to tell my dad he couldn’t tell me. Scary, but I trust him.

I think he knows how deeply in love I am with  him. I love his confidence and just how sure he is I’ll take him any day haha

One important thing he told me was that although he was going to speak with my dad and possibly my mom later (he did in fact), this would not mean anything would happen in the very near future. By ‘anything’ I think he meant engagement.  But he also told me that he wanted to be very clear with my dad that he was willing to walk through if any door does in fact open up. He literally said it like this: “Karen, if a door opens up, I want  you to know I won’t be dragging my feet. I’m going to walk right through it.”

So here I am, sitting, waiting, praying, and yes, wishing. I have so much to figure out right now. I’m 21, well 22 in a few months. I am absolutely enchanted with the way this man has treated me these past two years. I’ve seen his walk mature and just blossom; his friendship has been one of the most precious things God has given me.

Many times I get super duper scared if I actually am the girl of his dreams. A few nights ago a friend of ours told me HE (my he lol) told him (our friend) he’s unsure if he has the character needed to lead a family and to be married. My heart melted as I imagined HIM saying those words. I believe our genuine desire to love each other the way God wants us to has been the driving force in our friendship. Slowly but surely, we’re learning to put aside selfishness and become more obedient to God, out of love for Him first, but also out of love and respect for each other.

Oh how I wish I could post a picture of him and me here soon. 2010 could be it. Who knows

 

A Girl’s Cry

This is isnt fair

My heart, my hair

It beats; For you

I keep it long and true

I want my life back

No I didnt have a heart attack

You simply came

And nothing was ever the same.

Yes it is you who I blame

A girl will never say it was she

For fear of having to flee

And losing all she had seized!

So today I’m asking you to leave me alone

But tomorrow Ill obviously be at your door

Bear with me

Understand me

Just please- do not abandon me!

When?

When did you become a part of me?

When did I realize it is you who I need?

I fear it might be too late now,

I fear I’ll have to let go somehow.

 

It’s not warm, it’s not cold.

But it’s not over, I do know.

This longing for more,

This longing for bold,

Seems to to want to take control

And not let go.

At times I just want it to end,

But then again, I’m just a friend.

I can’t ask for alot,

I’m told to be thankful for what I got.

 

I’d like to know when,

I’d like to know how.

I’d like to know where,

And I’d like it now!

Fairy Tales

I want to believe in them. I want to know that my love will one day come for me. And that when he comes, he’ll come indeed (in-deed), not just in words.  And false promises.

Soul Mates

I’ve never believed in them. I mean, what are soul mates but two people who decide to make it work no matter what?

But I’m an open-minded person and so I’ll consider the possibility of soul mates existing. I mean, it’s possible, right?

Because if it is possible, I think I’ve found mine!

 

Do you believe in soul mates? Do you know yours?

What Do You Do?

What do you do,
When you’ve worn your heart on your sleeve?
When you’ve set your eyes one only one thing?

What do you do,
When you know for sure he is the one
Yet you hear everywhere “no, it is not time”?

What do you do,
When you feel like running to give him a hug?
When you know it can only be done in your mind?

What do you do,
When everything inside of you cries yes
But everything outside whispers no?

What do you do?

Boring Honeymoons

A honeymoon is supposed to be magical right? You and your new spouse are finally together. You’re discovering each other in a whole new way, a much more intimate way. OR not.

Are you saving sex for after the wedding vows? Why or why not?

Intimacy between a man and a woman is a powerful thing. Or so they say. Do you recall that first time? Was it magical? Is it worth waiting?

Simple Dreams

To sit next to you in a car ride

To fight with you over who drank all the milk

To iron your shirts

To play-wrestle with you

I’d like to talk with you every single day

I’d like to ask you what you think about my outfit

I’d like to stare into those green eyes unashamedly

But today, it seems I’ll have to settle with less

Today, I’ll only ask you how you are doing

I’ll  smile politely and give you a kiss

A kiss on the cheek, just like every one else

I’ll never stop dreaming and wishing. Even when today I feel I am living unfulfilled, I will remember today is still a gift and a dream come true. A dream come true because I know him. A dream come true because I have hope.

I kid you not…

This is either the most beautiful human relationship I’ve ever had… or the biggest deception I’ve fallen victim to.

Man.

Standing Beside You

‘” i’ve never felt this way with anyone before”. that’s what we all say when we think we’ve fallen for someone. as if a feeling determines everything. feelings definitely play a part. but think about it. when the feelings begin to die down, do you stop being committed to that person? or do you actually think that if he/she were the one, those feelings would never leave? Before falling in love, take the time and find out if you’d be willing to love this person. C.S. Lewis says it well in Mere Christianity:

It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it.

so i think i have fallen in love already. this has made it a bit harder for me to be able to evaluate and really see him for who he is, not who i want him to be. i believe it’s still possible, but it requires alot of mental self-discipline and willingness to hear alot of outside counsel.

but standing beside him is… great. what i will say that is different from anything else i’ve experienced (you see, i knew i’d end up using that cheesy line!), is that when i am with him and for some reason i cannot have his full attention, i have learned to just let go and simply be happy he exists. i’m actually thankful he doesn’t feel the pressure to give lavish me with compliments and attentions. he lives his life and i only hope to continue being part of it.